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Summary:
Does biblical womanhood only apply to wives and moms? Not even close.
In this episode, Shanda speaks directly to single women and unpacks what it means to live out biblical womanhood right now—before the wedding ring, the house, or the kids. She discusses why your identity is already rooted in Christ, not in your relationship status, and why the standards you set for dating and the kind of man you’re drawn to matter more than you think.
Shanda also walks through the three ways we learn life’s lessons—by instruction, experience, or the hard way—and encourages you to pursue wisdom now so you don’t pay the price later. You’ll hear practical encouragement on how to prepare for marriage, how to find godly mentors, and why your life and purpose have already begun.
Whether you’re single, dating, or just feeling overlooked in this season—this one’s for you.
Intro
Hey everyone! Welcome back to another episode of the Her Faith Inspires podcast, where we tackle cultural issues through the lens of Scripture.
Today I’m talking to all the ladies—but specifically to the single ladies. I’ve never recorded an episode entirely for single women before, so married ladies, if you have a single woman in your life, send them this episode.
I really feel like this message is important for single women to hear and to heed. I’ve had the privilege of mentoring some single young ladies over the last few years, and I’ve had the opportunity to talk to them about biblical womanhood, how to date, and what it means to be a woman of God.
I wish other ladies would’ve had these talks with me. A lot of what we’re going to talk about today are things I realized about being single after I got married. And I think married women can help the single women put some things into perspective that will help them be patient while they wait—for marriage, motherhood, and to live faithfully for Christ in their singleness.
I’m really looking forward to this conversation, and I feel like the timing is perfect. I truly believe there’s a reason this is my first episode on singleness—because I don’t think I would’ve done it justice until now. It’s going to be good!
What We’re Covering Today
What does biblical womanhood look like when you’re single?
(Spoiler: your identity is the same as older women.)
Why your standards for dating—and what you’re attracted to—matter.
Why marriage tips matter now—even if you’re not married.
(Preparation for marriage starts now. You learn how to be a wife. Find a mentor.)
The Three Ways We Learn in Life
Before we get into today’s points, I want to explain the three main ways we learn lessons in life. This matters because how we learn determines how painful those lessons will be.
1. We Learn by Instruction
Proverbs tells us we must love instruction, knowledge, and wisdom. Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Like I said in my last solo episode on biblical womanhood—we have to be coachable.
2. We Learn the Hard Way
Proverbs 19:29 says, “Condemnation is ready for scoffers, and beating for the backs of fools.” I used to wonder why the beating was for the back of fools, but after some thought, I realized it’s because fools don’t want wisdom or instruction—so they learn the hard way. That means consequences come when we’re unwilling to learn.
I don’t recommend this route—and neither does Proverbs.
3. We Learn Through Experience
Some things we just won’t understand until we walk through them. That means we’ll have to take the word of trusted sources. I’m sure your parents have said things like, “You’ll understand when you have kids.” I didn’t get it then—but I do now.
The same is true for single women. Some things you won’t understand until you’re married. One day you’ll get what we mean when we say, “It’s better to stay single than to marry the wrong guy.” That’s a lifetime of hardship.
You have an opportunity to do it right—or even better than we did—because you’re getting wisdom and instruction some of us didn’t have. So, learn by instruction, not the hard way. Be coachable.
What Does Biblical Womanhood Look Like When You’re Single?
Biblical womanhood looks the same for single women as it does for older women. Why? Because your identity is in Christ.
My identity isn’t in being a wife. It isn’t in being a mother. Your identity isn’t in being a college student or in your career. Those are roles—not your identity.
The Bible tells all women to practice self-control, not be enslaved to wine, and manage their homes—not just as wives, but as women who take care of their space. We’re to practice modesty, be temperate, kind—all the traits we see in Titus 2 and talked about in episode 291.
Peter says we should adorn ourselves with the inner person of the heart and the gospel, rather than focus on outward appearance. That’s hard, right? Because we often care more about the outside than the inside. But notice—none of the qualities that define a godly woman are about appearance. They describe her character—rooted in her identity in Christ.
Young women, get that in your heart now:
Your life doesn’t begin when you get married. It doesn’t begin when you become a mom. Those are wonderful things to desire because God made them. But you are a woman of God now. And what you do now determines how well you’ll fulfill your roles as a wife, mom, or anything else later.
A woman messaged me on IG a few weeks ago saying women’s ministries only talk to wives and moms. I get that. It can be frustrating when you want content for your season. But I’d still encourage you to go to Bible studies and engage. Married women and moms can teach you what to expect in the next stage of life. It’s to your advantage to hear what they’ve learned.
Also—get advice from someone who’s actually married. Don’t take marriage tips from someone who’s never been married. That’s like taking swimming lessons from someone who’s never been in the pool.
Biblical womanhood starts now. A wedding ring won’t make you godly. If you don’t care about the things of God now, how will you care when you’re managing a home and family?
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:32–35 that the unmarried woman should be anxious about the things of the Lord, not worldly things. So if you’re not pursuing Christ in your singleness, it won’t get easier after marriage. Biblical womanhood applies to you now just as much as it does to the married women in Titus 2.
What Are Your Standards for Dating—and What Are You Attracted To?
Single ladies, do you have standards for the man you want to marry?
I’m not talking about making a list like they made us do at church camp, where we wrote down all the qualities we wanted in a husband. I assumed God was going to give me a man who was tall, hilarious, and able to live up to my 10–15 requirements on that paper.
But no one focused on telling us to look for someone who fulfilled the qualities of biblical manhood. You can find those in Titus 2 for the men, too.
None of those qualities have to do with appearance or a sense of humor (although that doesn’t hurt—am I right?). The point is: God defines what is beautiful, and that means He defines what we ought to be attracted to. It’s always going to be the inner person of the heart.
If single Christian women aren’t attracted to Christian men who fit the description of biblical manhood, I often wonder where their standards are set.
I’ve seen Christian women pursue nominal Christian men—men who claim to be Christians but deny Him by their lifestyle—and they wait and wait and wait for these men to ask them to marry them. They think if they just give him a little more time, he’ll come around. Or if she prays about it enough, God will change him.
Girl, you need to cut him off. He is not going to change for you. If he won’t change for God, he is not changing for you.
You are wasting your time, and pretty soon you’re going to be a year or two down the road, and one of a few things will happen:
- You’ll get tired of him stringing you along and finally do what you needed to do.
- He’ll end the game and move on.
- You’ll meet someone who actually treats you the way you should be treated—and it’ll jolt you out of your stupor.
Out of all of these, I pray it’s number one for you.
I don’t know why Christian girls compromise their morals for guys who tell them what they want to hear. Why lower God’s standards—not yours—for someone who doesn’t want to live by them?
You should be attracted to what God has defined as beautiful—and that is a man of God.
And remember: you can take godly advice and make the right decision—or you can learn the hard way. It’s going to be one or the other. But it’s your choice.
One thing I always tell young girls is this: you know. You know he’s not right for you. God does not let us get too deep into a relationship without giving us enough red flags. But the deeper you go, the harder it will be to end it. With these kinds of relationships, you have to cut it off and stop all communication. It’s the only way.
Song of Solomon 8:4 says, “Don’t awaken love until it pleases.” You can awaken love with the wrong person. But the warning is: don’t awaken love until the person fits the standards set forth in God’s word. That’s what’s beautiful—and that’s what leads to a beautiful outcome.
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Why Marriage Tips Matter Even If You’re Not Married
Marriage preparation doesn’t start after you say “I do.” It starts now.
I talked about this a little earlier, but let’s go deeper. If you’re dating and think he might be “the one,” listen carefully—because how you date and how you approach that relationship will influence how your marriage begins.
I’ve mentored some girls who are in serious relationships. They’re asking good questions and seeking godly counsel. That’s wise.
But sometimes, I see women ask questions like:
“What do I do when we argue?”
“What do I do when he raises his voice or calls me names?”
And, “What do I do when he doesn’t want to go to church or says I’m too serious about God?”
And my answer is simple: You don’t marry that man.
You don’t try to fix it in marriage.
You don’t think it will magically get better after the honeymoon.
And, You walk away now.
Marriage is not a mission field. You are not responsible for his spiritual growth, his character, or his behavior. You are responsible for your obedience to God.
And if you’re already married to someone who isn’t walking with God, that’s a different conversation. But if you’re single? You have a choice. You’re not locked in. So don’t marry a project. Marry a partner.
Now, if you’re wondering what you should do while you wait—build your life on Christ. Grow in wisdom. Read God’s word. Get involved in ministry. Serve in your church. Be mentored by older women. Cultivate your gifts. Manage your home well now. Learn how to take care of your finances, your health, your time.
Because here’s the truth: marriage will not complete you. Only Jesus can do that.
Marriage is not the goal—Christlikeness is. And guess what? If you’re pursuing that now, marriage (if and when it comes) will only enhance what God is already doing in your life.
Final Thoughts
If you’re single, you are still living out biblical womanhood—because biblical womanhood is not dependent on a man. It’s dependent on Christ.
Your identity isn’t in your relationship status. It’s in your Savior.
So…
- Know what God says about you.
- Live with intention in your singleness.
- Set godly standards—and don’t waver.
- Be teachable. Seek wisdom. Learn through instruction.
- And don’t awaken love until it pleases.
You are not less than because you’re single. You’re not waiting for your life to begin. And, you’re not missing out. You’re right where God has you—and He has purpose for you here.
Marriage is a good gift. But it’s not the ultimate gift. Jesus is.
Closing
If this episode encouraged you, please share it with another woman in your life—especially if she’s single and seeking to live for Christ.
You can also leave a review, follow the show, and connect with me on Instagram if you want more content like this.
Thanks for hanging out with me today. I’ll catch you on the next episode!
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